The reason for this remains a mystery to this day.
Most of the earth was destroyed in the war. What was left was rebuilt into scattered islands on a sea of clouds
The clouds are actually a heavier than air gas that is all that remains of most of the old Earth
The dog travels these gas seas, fightan crimes with his lightning eyes. Seeking the severed cyborg head of his lost love
His nemesis is a hideous half spacefrog/half gorilla who used to be his best friend
They met in basic training. Before… THE WAR
The war against the Terrible Space Frogs. Which, as previously stated, didn’t actually look like frogs. And were really kinda cute
Part of the dog’s brain was removed to give him is lightning eye powers, and he no longer remembers his name. Only his lost love. He seeks her in the hope she can unlock the secrets of his distant past.
When the Gypsy Gollems found him after… THE WAR. The War against the Terrible Space Frogs. They nursed his broken body and gave him the name… ERASMO Elvert
…THE WAR. The War against the Terrible Space Frogs. Lasted for one hundred years. The lightning dog soldiers, that were Earth’s best defense against the Terrible Space Frogs, where given hideously extended lives thanks to dark magics
Erasmo’s terrible nemesis SANTO Kieck, seeks to destroy the great engines that maintain the cloud sea and keep it from dissipating. The last of the Terrible Space Frogs are bound within these engines, powering them. Santo desires to free his former masters.
The engines are all but indestructible The severed cybernetic head of Erasmo’s lost love, Zulema Bulwinkle, holds the only key.
Also, Erasmo’s current worst nemesis, former best friend, Santo, used to be a lightning eye shooty dog too. So the whole half spacefrog/half gorilla thing is just super weird.
We’re gonna talk about hagfish today, since it is Their Day
Hagfish are vertebrates, but they have no vertebrae! They lack bones entirely, with just a cartilaginous skull and a notochord (making them the only animal with a skull and no spine). They also have no eyes and no jaw. They also like to cuddle.
Exactly where they fall on the tree of life has been an interesting topic. Historically, they were placed as the sister-group to vertebrates; the vertebrate that diverged the earliest, and remained very primitive-looking. However, with new fossil evidence and DNA analysis, we’ve figured out that they are closest related to the lamprey, another jawless fish that does have eyes and bones! Which means the ancestors of the hagfish did as well, but somewhere along the line they decided, “screw it, I’m going back to being a Worm”.
The hagfish spends most of its time at the bottom of the ocean, sniffing around for prey. Although they do actively hunt and catch their own food, it’s much easier to eat things that are already dead, so they’re frequently seen snootling around whalefalls and bait set out by scientists, where they feed by rapidly spinning around until they’ve bored a hole straight through the skin and can get to the tasty insides!
But wait, how does a jawless animal feed at all? It just has a little :O face with no teeth!
Well, great news! That cute little :O isn’t it’s mouth! That’s it’s nose! It’s mouth is underneath.
Ain’t that nifty?
Being a squishy little guy with no teeth or eyes, defending itself is kind of difficult. Luckily, no one wants to eat a hagfish, because they are gross af. They secrete a very thick slime that chokes predators. About 4% of a hagfish’s body mass is pure slime. This slime is also apparently useful to humans, because it contains strands that are stronger than nylon, offering a way to make more durable and environmentally friendly fabric!
i want there to be more fanfic aus where everything is the same but for one minor detail. everything is the same but there’s sentient animals wandering around. everything is the same but everyone is called gerry. everything is the same but two characters are siblings for no reason
At the Minnesota Fringe Festival in 2018 there was a show called “Hamlet, But Hamlet’s a Chicken.” It was more or less what it said on the tin. They had made arrangements to borrow some therapy chickens, and for any scene that needed Hamlet, an affectionate handler gently carried in that day’s chicken (it would be one specific chicken for any given performance, but they didn’t have one chicken play Hamlet the whole time as that would have stressed out the chickens) and set her on the stage and then the chicken got to wander around and do whatever she wanted as the other actors did the scene.
There was also, I think, a scene with swordfighting where it was “the fight scene, but everyone’s using pool noodles” and some other similarly bizarre changes, but the MAIN thing I remember
was Hamlet’s soliloquy
because they just announced, “Hamlet’s soliloquy!” and then brought out the chicken and set her on the stage and then let her just hang out being a chicken for like FIVE MINUTES and the entire audience watched, completely riveted. It helps that chickens are cute. At one point she fluffed up her feathers and everyone gasped. A+ show, would go see it again.
some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort
Every McDonald’s commercial ends the same way, right? “Prices and participation may vary.” I wanna open a McDonald’s and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets! We are not affiliated with that clown.”
Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.
I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!
Hey, if you wanna talk to me after the show, I’ll be… fuckin’ surprised.
This shirt is “dry-clean only”… Which means it’s dirty.
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”
An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”
When you’re in Hollywood and you’re a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things besides comedy. They say “All right you’re a stand up comedian, can you act? Can you write? Write us a script.” They want me to do things that’s related to comedy, but it’s not comedy. That’s not fair. It’s as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a good cook, and they said “All right you’re a cook… can you farm?”
- “Rice is great when you’re you’re hungry and you want 10,000 of something”
- “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”
- “I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I don’t know how I get away with it”
There were a lot of freshwater mussels on the 2021 US extinction list. They didn’t leave us with haunting recordings of them calling out for a mate they’d never meet, there were no drawings in vivid color. They were extremely important nevertheless and their loss is frustrating too. That’s why stream ecology and mollusks have always fascinated me. They were silent, stalwart little heroes and entire species were lost to pollution.
Yeah, I am bothered by extinct animals. Even this guy. They can’t all be thylacines.
A 10-millionth visitor to the Rijksmuseum of Netherlands was allowed to spend the night at Rembrandt’s painting “Night Watch” with a bottle of wine and dinner.
